When unhappy with someone’s behavior or perform-ance, that is the time to start with “I.” “I’m disap-pointed,” “I’m upset,” Not “You messed up,” “You arelazy,” or “Youare stupid.” Never attack anyone’s self-
consideration. precipitate, talk about the setting, not about the
personality.One must be judicious in how and when “I” is used. Remem-
bering that others are far more engrossed in themselvesthan you is a pleasant strategy.On the other hand “I” is appropriate when you are not inagreement as in “I don’t understand.” Avoid “I debate” which
versed guarantees a barrier to communication. When you dis-
agree, it can be effective and courteous to say, “I’m simply strug-
gling with this idea or that conclusion. Please explainit precipitate.”The other appropriate time to use “I” is when taking re-sponsibilityfor naught to perform. This only gains consideration andsaves the time-wasting investigation of who is to blame, a non-
productive exercise at best.
